try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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