So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
