I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
