Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
