you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
