So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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