Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
