I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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