Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
