You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
