I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
