I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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