Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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