It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
