you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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