The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
