Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
