Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
