I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
