Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
