trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need a beard to bite.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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