My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
