haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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