Your tits are I can't wait for
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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