just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
