please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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