So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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