All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
