Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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