I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
