Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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