Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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