Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
