i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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