The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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