I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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