come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
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I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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