theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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