Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
