those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
