ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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