hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
