im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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