I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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