Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
