her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
