i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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