38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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