Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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