I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
