I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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