I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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