i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize