Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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