I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
