Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
