i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....