Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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