When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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