That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it's great music for shaving your balls
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
