I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
