If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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