What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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