i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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