oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
