I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know