and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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