Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Randomize
