I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
