i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
