tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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