So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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