Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
