True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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