We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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