First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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